Kinder Graduation: The Impending Doom

No, it’s not global warming, peak oil, or another financial bust, it’s Kindergarten graduation! Apparently, this is a big deal in Korea (yet another thing added to the list of lies my recruiter told me). The “2010 Variety Show” features a full line up of skits, sing-a-longs, dances, and drum solos to be performed by the departing seven year old children. Hundreds of friends and family members of the soon-to-be elementary school students will flood the Namgu Auditorium at 9 a.m. sharp this coming Friday. As part of my ever expanding job description, I’ll be narrating a play about a Lion with hiccups, playing the monster in “Hungbu and Nolbu”, doing a 45 second dance to a Korean pop song, and finally — a full on dance routine to another Korean pop song called “Superman”. In three days… urgh. Let’s just get it over with. All month we’ve been practicing these routines, and I’m starting to get a little stressed about it. Did I mention my lines are in Korean? Or that my dance could get ‘mad props’ and ‘much respect’ from JC?

Hundreds of friends and family members of the soon-to-be elementary school students will flood the Namgu Auditorium at 9 a.m. sharp this coming Friday.

Lines to memorize: “Nee ga Nolbu nya? Ee na bhun Nolbu, kam hee jay bee uh moke ughl, bo law duh lyaw? Bawl badda ya geyt da!” “Ha ha ha ha! Na nun sheem pahn ja! — Naw gat chee na bun Nolbu nun, bawl bad ah ya hey!” (Wreck house and strike fear into feeble minded hearts) We are supposed to be memorizing the lyrics (also in Korean) for the Superman song. What really bothers me about this is the fact that they simply handed us a sheet of words (written in Korean) and said, “Please memorize”. Even my partner teachers (who are Korean) found this hard to believe. “That is a really hard song even if you speak Korean”. Recognizing the gravity of such a request, we were later provided a Romanized version of the lyrics…. Ahbbulssa eo-jjon heojeon hadeora Paran tah-ee-jeuh-eh bbalgan paenti-neum nae charming point-uh Dolahrah jiguyeoldu bakwi I don’t know what it says either, which is why I won’t be singing it on Friday. I’ll be there on stage with the rest of the teachers, dancing like there’s a scorpion in my pants and doing the mime box. But the line has to be drawn somewhere my friends, and I’m already having to wear lipstick and mascara.